Spinning my wheels for many years now.
Progress made, progress lost. Progress made, progress lost.
It's a messy process trying to change ones life and life perspective that's for sure! On the one hand my character trait of not giving up has saved my posterior-end from defeat. But on the other hand my laziness and lack of self start motivation has not yet been overcome.
I have tried and even posted positive things that I am getting traction. And that traction has been real, been powerful. But... I am not changed yet. The good work is not done yet in this particular character flaw that is holding back my life. This grueling season has brought me to a new realization. One that almost sounds like basic common sense even. But for someone struggling to self start, this is a real thing and a deep revelation.
Trying is not the same as doing.
You see I have been praying and "trying". But I have escaped behind trying. How you might ask? Well I spend a tiny bit of effort "trying" and then take a break to rest or celebrate successful "trying". Because "trying" is an accomplishment for me. So why wouldn't I be glad for the positive traction? Well, I stopped there. That was the problem. I slipped and let the bar of "trying" be the best I was reaching for. I lost sight of the end goal of having a different life and I accepted the comfortably miserable of "trying".
Now don't get me wrong. Trying is a huge accomplishment for many people including myself! Trying is not the destination though. Trying is the road to the destination. I need to raise the bar, the bar of myself, back up to what I want my life to be like. And I need to fight, fight myself for that. Not "try" and then take a break.
And here's where most blog posts leave off. A fond farewell and some good words to close out. You might be hyped up, you might go look in the mirror after reading all that and be able to relate to the struggle so much that you feel that surge to charge forward, renewed with purpose and driven.
Most people in that situation would then have one of two things would happen. They might charge forward, passionate and powerful. But continue to do the same thing they have already been doing. Which will only lead back to this exact place all over again. Or you might stop three steps away from that mirror, get a confused look on your face and ask:
How do you do it?
You'd think the answer to that would be simple... But it's not. Because if we do more of the same cycle, we will end up with more of the same results. The results being more "trying". We simply cannot actually get to the destinations of our lives with more "trying". There comes a point "where the rubber meets the road".
I need to stop "trying". I need to grab hold of the GRIT inside me that all humans have to just do it. It's that place where even the kindest most accommodating person raises a middle finger up to the world, to their struggles, to their own "trying" and doesn't say anything at all. Because there is nothing left to SAY, there is only things to DO.
There comes a point when you have to tell your brain to just shut the &@%$! up and get to work. "Suck it up self, shut your trap and do the work". Because the reality is we've been talking the talk, but not walking the walk. We talked about all our progress and our "trying" but then our life didn't change, we got stuck. And no amount of talking will fix this now.
The only way out is to stop talking and start taking actions. Expect more from yourself. Demand progress from your actions, don't just let your brain congratulate yourself with flattery.
Now the only choice is how fast do we want to change our lives and get to our destinations? The speed is directly related to the sacrifice. Sacrifice your time, your energy. Sacrifice your expectations.
If you're not willing to sacrifice from your current situation, can you really say you want the new destination that badly...? I have to be honest. I failed this litmus test up to today. I said I wanted things to change, but I refused to do what was obviously needed to actually change. I stayed comfortably miserable with "trying".
I want my future life more than my current comfort. What about you?