Not a word you usually want to hear from your counselor! (Yes I have a counselor, some ____ you just gotta get professional help with! No one is smart enough to unpack all their own baggage!).
"Sometimes people have to be shattered before they change."
When I heard it I simultaneously shuddered and nodded in agreement. It's a simple intrinsic truth. It's also scary as all ____.
As I was doing my afternoon workout (stress management...) I pondered this.
People often don't change until it hurts...
God is the potter, we are the clay...
God can make man from dust...
But then something else hit me...
I need to lead by example
That's a tough one to follow with after "shattered"... So what do I do with this... "shattered" and "lead by example"? Well there is only one thing for me to do with this. Dive head first into it of course!
Lord shatter me. Shatter me for the things I haven't even done. If I am going to lead, I too need to be shattered.
It was then that I realized something common knowledge, but in a different way. It was what Jesus did. He was shattered, broken, rejected... All for things he didn't even do. He took the bullet, he took the pain for other peoples pain. He lead by example.
So yeah I prayed that prayer today. On the heels of my other recent prayers. You might think me mad. Why would I add to the pile of chaos, pain, struggle, change, heartache, frustration? It's simple really. I want out of the house of mirrors I have built in my life for four decades! I don't care how much it hurts or how scary it is. I am willing to lose it all, to be free.
What do I gain by remaining the same? Nothing.
What do I gain continuing to allow people to manipulate me, because of my brokenness? Nothing.
What do I gain from toxic past relationships? Nothing.
What do I gain trusting The Lord to drop the hammer on me and shatter me?
I gain life.
I gain happiness.
I gain freedom.
I gain healing.
I gain strength.
And sooooo much more.
What price are you willing to pay to be the person God made you to be? Is whatever you are holding onto worth giving up what God is freely offering you?