So I was hanging with the big Lord the other day having a chat and He turned the time into a mirror for me to see myself. Rather than hearing me talking about this or that He turned it around so I could see myself.
What I saw in the mirror was my idealization of myself. Sherlock Holmes. Now don't get me wrong. I don't actually think of myself as Sherlock. But I did work hard to be much like Sherlock. I studied, watched, analyzed everything around me to the 1000th degree.
But the problem was that's not who The Lord made me to be. That's just who I made myself to be. You see I had been the salmon swimming up river against the Lord's will. He has a permissible will that allows us to make our own choices after all. Those choices can be amazing, or cost us everything we love, or something between those two extremes.
So there I was a self made Sherlock swimming up stream fighting against the Lord. Fighting against His plans for me. Fighting against the person He made me to be. Fighting against His blessings and gifts. Constantly swimming up to get what I wanted as I got further and further away from all the amazing joyous things the Lord had made for me.
Realizing this I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw a pity party. I wanted to rage. I wanted... well you get the picture. But that didn't last long. Not long at all! Because I realized all I had to do what let go of the riverbank and I would be pulled into the Lord's will perfectly. He would steer from there. I didn't have to steer! And the river of His plans and Love and Grace and Mercy would take me to all those blessings, all those plans He had for me.
So this week I finally learned to let go of the river bank of control and choices in my life. To stop being Sherlock Holmes and instead walk by faith. Come what may. I trust Him.
Walk by faith, not by sight.