The struggle is real.
Trying to change gears and overcome a lifetime of trying to blend in. A lifetime of avoiding success. A lifetime of day dreaming without apply effort to achieve.
You'd think with all the passion and purpose welling up that it would be easier to motivate and move forward. But four decades of bad patterns and behavior is more difficult to overcome than expected.
Thankfully The Lord is pretty amazing. And the path is before me, despite my struggles and slow movement forward. I've learned a lot and I continue to learn a lot more everyday. More about myself, more about being a male. More about being a human like everyone else.
It's not a matter of "if", it's just a matter of when. Because The Lord has already said I'll get where I'm going. It's just up to me when I get my rear in gear and make progress. Of course the funny thing is The Lord already knows when I'll get going, when I'll get that flourish of traction, when I'll get where I'm going. He's patient enough to let me do it at the pace I'm capable of.
Thankful He's perfect, unlike me who's still making mistakes.